Meant to do this a while ago. Some of the tags are pretty esoteric.
A Gaffney of Drains: The collective noun for Irish backline performances c.2010-11
Alasdair, Alastair, Alistair: Essentially the Scottish rugby-playing class. There are loads of posh Scots with about a dozen variations on the name, most of them probably still regretting that the game ‘went open’ and that they can no longer combine it with being solicitors or uber-cautious bankers. Loads of tweed. Being a laird. Pretending to understand the gillies on a shoot. Rob Wainwright. That sort of thing. I’d imagine that half of Watsonians’ membership is composed of people answering to Alasdair, Alastair or Alistair.
Aleki ‘Deuce’ Latui: Aleki Latui is a Tongan rugby player who plays for Worcester. Deuce Lutui is a Tongan American Football player who lines out on the o-line for the Arizona Cardinals. Put ‘em all together and what have you got? Hotdog.
Antipo-Deans: Robbie Deans. Not one of ours, but it’s quite clever. Because he’s an antipodean, see?
Aw Gee Whiz Smuddy: NZ commentators moaning about the ref/Northern Hemisphere players/everything
Bad Giants: The Fleshlumpeater; The Bonecruncher; The Manhugger; The Childchewer; The Meatdripper; The Gizzardgulper; The Maidmasher; The Bloodbottler; The Butcher Boy.
The terrifying, Quentin Blake-drawn villains of Roald Dahl’s BFG. Alternately, the South African pack.
Barff: Bath said in a west country accent by a big rich farmer.
Beer drinkin’, fun havin’ Andrew Hore: Apparently All Black second-string hooker Andrew Hore likes a joke, enjoys a smoke, and is worth twice as much as what he earns … just like C. Montgomery Burns.
He’s a bloody good player and has a great old-fashioned bashed-to-bits face, which makes him all the more likeable. He probably falls down the stairs when he’s pie-eyed and tells the wife that he broke his nose at training. Hero! Also goes by the nickname Andrew “Tis Pity She’s A” Hore, in honour of the John Ford-penned tragedy.
Big Bad Brad Carnegie Thorn: Brad Thorn’s middle name is [according to his Wikipedia entry, anyway] Carnegie. Awesome. Brad Thorn is one tough sounding name, and Big Bad Brad is a first-rate alliterative nickname. Throw in Carnegie and it mixes it all up – all of a sudden you’re thinking New York robber-barons of the Great Depression, philanthropists’ libraries, classical music recitals … he’s a rounded man of the world, dammit, not just an updated version of Colin Meads.
The Big Bopper: Jamie Roberts. Obviously in honour of JP Richardson of ‘Chantilly Lace’ and plane-crash fame. Roberts runs into people, he’s got a big chin, he’s really good. It’s more of an impressionistic nickname than a good one. It fits though. Bop!
Big Kev: James Horwill. Just like Antipo-Deans, this one is not ours either. We got a whole post out of it before though!
Big Ted: Andrew Sheridan. His actual nickname. Possibly his real name at this stage. Fits like a glove.
Bitterniss, de: Fuelling de Liginds since the first Shanning man was overlooked for some effete chappie from Wanderers.
Bloody Nice Bloke: Tom Palmer. The Mole read a good interview with him in the FT Weekend Magazine during the year and he came across as … a bloody nice bloke. Total back-handed compliment though, because it owes an awful lot to Harry Enfield’s creation, Tim Nice-But-Dim.
Blue Bullshit: Pierre Spies. Quick, somebody go to Wikipedia and tell us about his box-jumping exploits and how much he power-cleans! A dramatically over-rated player who seriously lacks rugby smarts, aggression, toughness and body fat.
Bom Bom De Bom: The Italian national anthem, Fratelli Italia.
Bonpensiero O’Callaghan: Had forgotten this one! Obviously not giving Donncha O’Callaghan as much stick as we used to. Vincent Pastore played Salvatore Bonpensiero on the Sopranos … who’s Salvatore Bonpensiero? “Big Pussy”. Ah, that explains it. Yes, we applied a somewhat underhand pop-culture reference in order to slag off a hard-working but quite limited international who is very obviously a nice fellah. Why? I’m a small man in many ways, Bart. A small, petty man.
Brand Haskell: James Haskell. Not ours. We prefer Brand Half-wit. That’s not ours either.
Bronca: There’s the guts of a chapter dedicated to describing bronca in Diego Maradona’s appalling autobiography. It’s essentially what fuels the Pumas at every World Cup – being pissed off about getting a lack of respect, or hating the English, or whatever. It’s more about being hot-tempered than being a narky dick, though. Not to be confused with “de bitterniss”.
Bronson Clancy: https://dementedmole.com/2011/08/23/justice-has-a-new-name/ Bye, book. He gets results, you lousy chief.
Bumface: Will Carling. Not ours. Normally used in the context “Bumface is a legend”, certainly in Mole Towers.
Busted: Toby Flood; also “Tobes”: https://dementedmole.com/2011/09/06/separated-at-birth-6/
Buy My Book: Lawrence Dallaglio. When he released his autobiography a good few years ago he was on Marian Finucane one Sunday morning. It was a really good interview, but he couldn’t get enough references in about the book. It was priceless: “ … which you’ll see, if you read the book”, “ … I actually talk about that in the book”, “ … there’s a whole chapter about that specific incident in the book”. BUY MY BOOK.