Gossip From The Mart

This week’s Gossip From The Mart is brought to you by the letter X.

X is for Xylophone  (from the Greek words ξύλον — xylon, “wood”[1] + φωνή —phonē, “sound, voice”, meaning “wooden sound”) is a musical instrument in the percussion family that consists of wooden (not steel) bars struck by mallets. 

X is also forXenophobe, an example of which would be our cud-chewing hick friend here.

Xenophobia is defined [by Wikipedia, no less] as “an unreasonable fear of foreigners or strangers or of that which is foreign or strange”. It comes from the Greek words ξένος (xenos), meaning “stranger,” “foreigner” and φόβος (phobos), meaning “fear.”

Diverting sightly from all the forrenur-fear, however [“They come over here, take all our jobs, all these bluffers with their Southern Hemisphere accents in the clubhouse stealing our wimmin etc.”], Farrelly manages to slip in a paragraph of prize trolling:

That policy has not helped Ireland cater for their current lack of depth in the back-row. The country is screaming out for open-side wing-forwards, but Willie Faloon has played a bit-part role due to the presence of Wannenburg, with talented No 8 Chris Henry forced into the less-suited No 7 jersey, hurting his own international prospects in the process.”

Yes, Ireland suffer from a lack of depth in the back-row. Genuinely. Why, in the last six months Declan Kidney only played Mike McCarthy, Niall Ronan, Denis Leamy, Kev McLaughlin, Donnacha Ryan, Sean O’Brien, Jamie Heaslip, Shane Jennings, Stephen Ferris and David Wallace in the back row for Ireland … just the ten players, or more than three international back rows.

Going a little further back to June 2010, he also gave caps to Chris Henry, Rhys Ruddock and John Muldoon, rounding that number out to 13 backrow players capped in 18 months. Peter O’Mahony’s explosive arrival on the scene for Munster will likely warrant an inclusion in the Six Nations training squad, and James ‘Germany’ Coughlan can consider himself unlucky to be uncapped. Even with the injuries to multi-capped internationals Leamy and Wallace, Ireland are anything but short in the back row. It’s probably our strongest unit.

There are six contracted back rows in Ulster [Diack, Faloon, Ferris, Henry, McComish and Wannenburg], seven in Leinster [Auva’a, Heaslip, Jennings, McLaughlin, O’Brien, Ruddock, Ryan] and nine in Munster [Butler, Coughlan, Holland, Leamy, O’Donnell, O’Mahony, Ronan, Ryan, Wallace]. Out of twenty-two [22] of them, only one [1] isn’t eligible to play for Ireland: Wannenburg.

I know Leo Auva’a and Robbie Diack don’t have the most traditionally Irish of names, but they’re eligible to play rugby for the country, which is good enough for me. If some journalist wants to be the judge of who’s Irish enough to play for Ireland and who isn’t, the Mole will let him at it. Hopefully he’ll turf out all the commies in the country as well.


4 thoughts on “Gossip From The Mart

  1. I really feel Mole Towers should get an article a week in the IT, a combination “Roddy L’Estrange: Against the Odds” and “An Irish Man’s Diary” except on all things Union.

    I’d buy yiz a pint but (un)fortunately I don’t live in Ireland. hahahaha

  2. All this stems from the opinion that we lost to Wales because don’t have a “Genuine No. 7”.
    And no, we don’t have a rather one-dimensional ground-hog like David Pocock. But with O’Brien playing sufficiently out of his skin (in his 3rd best position, no less) to join Drico and O’Connell in the list of Irish rugby players people from the Southern Hemisphere can name, would we want or need one?
    Obviously a world-beating International side will have various top-class options in every area, but there’s only a handful of players in the world who would improve our back row. So the thinking here seems to be that our failure to produce a Ritchie McCaw cost us a place in the Semi-Finals. Well, that coupled with Bakkies Botha being too South African to link up with O’Connell in second row, and Will Genia going to Brisbane Boys’ College rather than St. Michael’s.

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