Kill the Malaysian Prime Minister and then do some box jumps, you big showpony.

For the second match in a row, Zoolander has disappeared. It’s like that part of the film where he goes down into the mine with his family, blacks up and then jumps out to startle one of the miners. Except the Spies version never even jumps out.

To carry this painful analogy even further, he does a nice job in the catwalks of Super Rugby, but when you put him up against a better standard of opponent [Hansel, for want of a better comparison] he drops out from human contact … just like Derek does in the spa with Katinka. THE SIMILARITIES ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE! Hmmm.

In contrast, Mole favourite Ironman Danie Russouw had an absolute blinder. Not coincidentally, he was the No8 for many of the matches in RWC07, a tournament that Spies missed due to illness. How much longer can Crazy Piet continue to accept such substandard performances in a key position? With players of the calibre of Willem Alberts on the bench, and versatile operators like Russouw and Schalk Burger putting in top notch performances, he’s spoilt for choice. Will he make the tough call?

Answers point to no, because he bottled the Smit/du Plessis call at hooker.